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snowed in today (12 inches of the stuff, according to my cork-back ruler). lover's birthday. i've been wanting to write here but everything i've started to add has felt banal. trying not to let that matter so much - i'm itching for a return to longform, earnest sharing online. blogging type beat. letting the Who Cares sentiment mean "i can say whatever i want" and not "i will never say anything at all". today i feel like telling you about my day and what i'm reading and it's fine if you don't care (but you're here, so)

woke up and made a big breakfast that i kinda hated for T's birthday, but he insisted it was delicious. throughout the rest of the day i also made: pancakes (different from breakfast pancakes because they weren't Fucked Up), mashed potatoes, a tuscan white bean skillet situation (recipe), and gooey hot sexy chocolate chip cookies topped with ice cream and chocolate syrup. T and I bundled up for a trek to the gas station in my neighborhood and wound up pushing a stuck car through an intersection. we were joined by an employee at the mexican restaurant across the street who was Bored As Hell and didn't have anything else to do and two others who happened to be outside (one shoveler, one girl who was also on the way to the gas station who mostly just stopped to ask the woman in the car Where She Could Possibly Be Going and to tell me that she didn't drive specifically so she could avoid This Type Of Embarrassment). after the woman was on her way, we gathered our sweet drinks of choice, had a friendly exchange with my favorite gas station clerk (she recognizes us by now, but we aren't on a first-name basis) and waddled down the middle of the snow-covered road together. everything is fun with T - i fall deeper in love every day. i wish we could've done more for his birthday, but it was still nice to spend an ambling sort of day together. warm and well-fed. i tried to throw a snowball at his back but it was all the glittery stuff, no good for packing.

i've been listening to an audiobook called The Library Book (susan orlean) and read one called Cattle Kingdom: The Hidden History of the Cowboy West (christopher knowlton). both of them are historical novels and hit way harder than i expected as someone who is generally more drawn to fiction, published diaries, autobiographies (i guess the latter two are a sort of history, but i like how personal histories get all warped and subjective and unreliable. like talking to a friend about their lives before you met, taking it all in and not having to believe everything but loving how they tell the story. memory is so emotional, peoples' recollections so fragmented).

The Library Book tells the story of the biggest library fire in american history: the 1986 arson incident at the los angeles central library. the book also dips into a discussion of book burnings & what motivates them, and a history of libraries in general - but especially the staff of [more or less insane] individuals who have been put in charge of the l.a. central library since its opening in 1925. i'm inclined to love this book because i'm in school for a library science degree, but i think a lot of the story is told in a way that would appeal to anyone who likes true crime, talking to strangers, and people with an innate draw towards doing things in a way that is Wrong by all established standards but innovative nonetheless.

my favorite character so far (feels weird to say 'character' about a real human being who existed) is charles fletcher lummis, who walked on foot in a funky little outfit from ohio to california after the l.a. times offered him a job. on some forrest gump shit, but with more broken bones and cigarettes. the journey made him a sort of celebrity and people were excited to read what he had to say, but he was so bad at actually having a job and doing it that the times dropped him. he moved a few times, cheated on his wives, learned spanish, rode around with native americans, threw parties, did whatever he wanted until he was too broke to continue and then he was put in charge of the central library despite a lack of professional experience. a lot of people haaaated the way he did everything but he was the guy who introduced technology to libraries, created some of the first special collections of local (non-white) history and culture, and clowned on the then-conservative american library association at every opportunity. they replaced him after 5 years of ingenuity and scandal, but he ultimately changed the public image of the library from this stuffy, academic place to a hub for all kinds of people, all kinds of information. i also think it's funny that at the time the newspapers in l.a. really loved printing stories about his dramatic personal life and affairs - not many messy celebrity library managers out there these days..

i would write something about Cattle Kingdom too but right now i'm tired enough that i don't care. cowboys were trying their best, u.s. government has been bad forever. goodnight and thanks for reading